This Just In: I'm Evil

Apparently.
What do you do when two of the most evil friends you have (who may also happen to be two of the most evil people you know in general) inform you that you, yourself, are evil (according to their not-so-humble opinions)?
If you know the answer to this, let me know.
In the meantime I'll be in my fortress of darkness.

I. Heart. Boy. (and sweet dance jam tracks)

100 days, 100 dances, 100 locations....etc.


BOOMBOX from Ely Kim on Vimeo.


I really like number 21 for the technique, but number 47 is my favorite for presentation.

Lobotomies: Fashionably in, or just Plain Fashionable??

The Samuels Advertising company espresso machine underwent surgery. Please send flowers to 1638 Wilcox Ave, Hollywood, care of Kristen.

The machine is now on a strict prescription of Intelligentsia Black Cat Espresso Blend.

Residual Anger...Doesn't Mix Well With Salmon

What is my damage?

2009 you're all mine--NEW YEARS REZZzzz.

I promised Jane one of my new year's resolutions would be writing more and upkeeping my blog. Take my aggression out here instead of sending incredibly long emails to people who don't deserve them anyway...sigh.

I got a couple resolutions for 09, yes I do.

1. BE NICE (r). Try not telling people to rot in hell. Status: resolution kept! Bam. 1 for 1. I'm a better person already. Fab. Learn from me.

2. Train for half marathon. Status: if you count sitting in traffic, drinking coffee and unpacking "training" then ..resolution kept! 2 for 2.

3. Upkeep my blog. Status: doing it right now. Bitch you crazy! 3 for 3.

4. Naming things that I'm doing as resolutions to make myself look productive....Status...Yeeeees. 4 for 4.

5. Redo my website so it's more functional. Ah. Damn. I'm being distracted by my blog!!! 4 - 5.

6. Upgrade my laptop with more RAM. guh. What's ram? Confound your RAM, toll troll! 4 - 6.

7. Get a new job. Ongoing. 4 - 7...so far.

8. Finish unpacking AND go through stuff. Kind of doing this. About halfway to three quarters done. 4.5 - 8.

9. Publish book. That I wrote. This could happen! Maybe. 4.65 - 9.

10. Be happy with all aspects of my life -- job, where I live, eyebrows, etc. This is the ongoing resolution. Stop doing things and going places that don't make me happy just to please other people. Do things that I want that will improve my life. If that stupid girl on The City can walk AND talk at the same time, I think anything is humanly possible. We should all learn from me. I'm already almost halfway to my new years resolutions! At the rate I'm going my year could be over in a few weeks.

So...you're a graphic designer, right?

I hate this question more than any other question, especially when it's being posed to me by a friend of a friend. Invariably, what follows is an inane question about some sort of fine art that I know next to nothing about (glassblowing perhaps), or else, and this is usually the case, a very very SHITTY "job offer" disguised as a favor to me.

"You mean, you'll let ME do your logo for you? For $20? No, I couldn't accept that much for such an amazing opportunity. How about we make it 15....Pesos."

"Oh, you have a crappy idea for some t-shirts you'd like to do, and you just need 5 different ideas drawn up? And you thought of me? Yeah, ideas are totally free! And so is executing these ideas! I mean, they're just t shirts right? Of course I'll do it in my spare time....tonight....by 5:30 EST. I'm honored that you would let me in on this project that you're getting paid for and let me work for nothing."

"A website for you? Sure! We've known each other about a month. Programming other people's stupid black and white photographs into a portfolio site for $1 an hour is what I was put on this planet for. "

Just because we happen to like our jobs-unlike you stuck at your cubicle or your awful 9-5 accounting job-DOES NOT MEAN WE WORK FOR NOTHING. For all of you out there who think that graphic designers should be happy to be your bitches, I have something completely fucking free for you: unwanted advice.

If you want to pay nothing, you will get shit. Hire a blind monkey (I hear they're cheap!), or get one of those logo-generating websites to do your job for you. Immigrants. Sweat shops. Babies. Senior citizens. You have endless possibilities for your stinginess.

Stop trying to take advantage of artists. You waste my time, and heaven knows I need every minute to finish up that free web template I'm doing for my friend's uncle's son.

Absolute Perfection

Well, I happened to find myself at a yachting party last weekend. And I wondered, what's with all these drunk dudes dressed like sea captains and ambiguously gay sailors? Then my pal Mickey introduced me to the best thing on youtube.

Yacht Rock